How about those times when someone makes some mild wise crack or joke at your expense, but you didn’t hear it—because for instance, there are a number of people around the table all yammering at the same time, and because your brain is wired to make sense of  only one person talking at at time, you didn’t get the entirety of the remark as it was interjected by someone else’s syllable. But you’re still curious. What the hell did he say? Maybe you want to keep the joke going or perhaps toss one back, whatever. But you can’t because you didn’t hear the original. So you smile and say, “Pardon?” And they’re glowing in the glory of their clever wit and they say, “No I was just joking.” Oh god, not this charade. “Yes, I realize that, but I didn’t hear what you said.” But now they’re the ones who aren’t listening and they jump to the conclusion that you’re not taking their incisive and awesome joke so well, and that your request for clarity is some kind of protestation.  So they begin to get defensive, and yet somehow remain smug at the same time. So their hands go up and they’re waving them. “No, no. It was just a joke.” They’re convinced that their witticism has struck a nerve. You’re thinking, “Yes, fuckhead, I KNOW it was some lame-ass joke. I just didn’t hear it. And I’m asking you to say it again. Jesus.” But what can you say?

In my experience, the situation is not salvageable. It reminds me of those moments as a foreigner in Japan and you’re speaking Japanese, but the person you’re speaking to insists on believing that you’re actually speaking English. So they’re apologizing and telling you that they don’t speak English. I.e. please stop this uncomfortable exchange wherein I am expected to speak and understand your language even though you’re the foreigner. It’s the same phenomenon. Not much you can do. Just smile and walk away.