The Economist reports on the effective actions that Starbucks founder Howard Schultz has been putting into play to revive the brand since retaking the helm. Seems the guy is on a mission, fine-tuning and experimenting many variables, toying with the menu, introducing instant coffee, creating a faux hometown café (actually a Starbucks outlet disguised as a local proprietary cozy dig, with local art on the wall). Interesting idea. You can’t say that he’s not earnest about making change. And most changes appear to be in the spirit of improving quality, which is probably welcomed, assuming the damage has not already been done to the reputation. But has it? I think it has, but they are trying hard. For example, the hot and awesome breakfast sandwiches, which feel a hell of a lot healthier than McDonalds’ super tasty McMuffins, were to be nixed because of the cheesy odour fills the store when you heat those bad-boys up, detracting from the coffee house aroma. So solution:  switch to a less stinky cheese and taking care to not allow the cheese to melt and burn on the oven. That’s a refinement. Nice.

The Economist article rattles off a number of other positive changes that Schultz has been introducing. And I say, yeah, you have to do something. Your business model can’t simply be to continue to invent new kinds of syrup to put into a latté every season. And you have to lift the brand out of the mistrust that it had earned in its kamikaze expansion, ‘a new store on every block’ mentality. And so I applaud Schultz’s efforts. But is he missing a crucial element?

How about you make what I ordered?

How many times has Starbucks fucked up your order over the last year? For me it happens I’d say every third trip. And no I’m not the guy ordering a venti 180° half-caf, skinny latte with half a shot of vanilla. I order pretty straight forward drinks. But there is often something wrong. It happened as recently as yesterday even. I don’t know why. Volume? Confusion? Maybe the order gets lost in translation? Sometimes I see the barista trying to make sense of what the cashier scribbled on the cup. And I feel like saying, “Look, I’m standing right here. Just ask me what I ordered.” I hate that my order has to be filtered through a cashier before going to the person who actually has to make it. Just introduces another opportunity for mistakes. And the mistakes are what is killing Starbucks. Inconsistency.

You don’t know if it’s going ot be a good Starbucks day or not. You have baristas who know how to make good foam and you have idiots who wouldn’t know good, silky, micro foam if they were dunked in it. You have forgetfuls, you have baristas who’ve been making tall lattés all day and then go on to make them as a default for every drink whether it has been ordered or not. This is rubbish. People, focus on your task. Just focus on making each drink right, one at a time. I had one barista even have the nerve to admit that he rushed the drink and so it wasn’t his best and he then tells me that he will remake it if I’m not happy with it. Ok, dude, you have to be your own self-editor. You have to be able to make your own call. I didn’t pay for your ‘not the best drink’; I paid for the best drink. So how about you start again and make the best drink. Asshole. The issue is this: a customer pays for a premium beverage experience. So then the psychology works like this: they’ve talked themselves into rationalizing a $4 coffee. But now the delivered product had better goddamn well be what they ordered. If it’s not, the psychology of the experience will be exponentially negative because the customer had already leveraged their good judgement to justify the purchase in the first place. If it doesn’t come through, if Starbucks doesn’t deliver, that customer is going to feel more than just ripped off. That kind of damage is hard to mend. Especially if it’s happening every third visit.

And I can’t figure out why this issue isn’t front and centre to Starbucks management. You can add salads and fair trade beans, you can change the décor and eliminate harmful dyes, you can provide the Clover for those who know what it is, but the thing is, if you insist on continuing on fucking up basic orders, none of that other stuff really matters. All the effort invested in fine-tuning and improvement is all secondary. First you have to make the drinks right.  The relatively new sign on the espresso machine  that says if you’re order isn’t perfect, they will remake it, indicates that the imperfect order issue is on management’s radar, but I don’t get why they are effing up orders in the first place. What’s going on?

Artigiano doesn’t fuck up orders. They seem to take a great deal of care in the production of drinks that you ordered. And that’s the problem for Starbucks: There’s somebody else out there who makes it right. Every time, not just 67% of the time.