“This is your wake-up call, pal. Go to work.”

“The Seven Habits of highly Effective People”

I’ve just recently rediscovered the brilliance this book, a book that should really be called “How To Live.” The lessons are broad; the material is big. It’s not superficial tricks & tips for short term results. It’s principle based living for the long term. Permanent and timeless principles. I’m taking it on because, really, who’s life couldn’t use some improved effectiveness. I’ll be publishing my progress here on this site as a kind of experiment in too much information.

WARNING

So how have I been shaping up relative to the principles in the Seven Habits? Not too good. This is my self-evaluation and it’s quite personal. So, proceed at your own risk. You too can play along at home: rank yourself out of ten on each of these statements:

I show kindness and consideration of others.

I feel it, but do not really show it. It’s not that I’m emotionally empty; I’m just selective to whom I reveal kindnes. I tend to treat people with respect until they prove that they don’t deserve it. I’m a hard marker and my attitude on this can turn on a dime. If my kindness is taken for granted or abused, there’s an instant change in attitude. Assessment: 4/10.

I keep promises and honour commitments.

I do my best to honour commitments… those few commitments that I actually make. Rare. The intent of this to engage, make commitments, form meaningful relationships and build trust over the long term. So although my ratio of honouring those few commitments I make, as a percentage, is high, the actual volume of commitments made is too marginal to earn a higher than average grade on this one. Assessment: 4/10.

I do not speak negatively of others when they are not present.

I’m working on this. I don’t trash talk friends or people that I’m close to, but  if I’m honest, my track record of speaking negatively for people in general, particularly if they are assholes, is very poor. Why. I find it therapeutic to vent to a good listener, if not turn my observations into a piece of comedy. What I need to change here is to control my response to other people’s weaknesses. So, for example, let’s say that somebody’s eating at the table next to you with their mouth open? Not my problem. Serenity now. Assessment: 2/10.

I am able to maintain an appropriate balance among aspects of life: family, friends etc.

For the last two and a half years, I’ve been working civilised hours, so it’s not that work is intruding into my free time. But it’s actually work that is intruding into my work time. Think about that. And while you think about that, think about this: this intrusion then requires hours afterwards to wind down from. I’m somebody who needs an immense amount of time to himself. But there’s still not balance. Because that decompression time is spent in escape rather than productive exercise or fun or life maintenance. Should probably be spending more time with friends and family. Since my teens, most of my social time has predictably gone to the girl. For obvious reasons. Not a surprise. Assessment: 5/10.

When working on a task, I also keep in mind the concerns and needs of those I am working for.

I am almost always aware of concerns and needs of others. Perhaps overly aware. Most people tend to make their concerns and needs apparent, even if they are not vocal about it. So it’s actually hard to not have them in mind. Whatever.  I get my stuff done, I don’t let people down and I don’t fuck around with deadlines. Assessment: 8/10.

I work hard but not in a way that causes burnout.

I’ve done plenty of the burn-out thing early in my career. More than I’ll ever want to do. Burnout as you’d typically think of it, from long, hard hours is not a possibility with my current employment, but I do feel a kind of burnout from my current employment in that my daily “production” lies almost exclusively in what to me is Quadrant I. Assessment: 3/10.

I am in control of my life.

My first reaction is “Um, no!” But I am to a degree: professional registration wasn’t an accident. I’m not stuck in a marriage that I don’t want and I’m not a slave to other people. But I’ll probably have to start my own thing to really feel in control. Assessment: 5/10.

I focus my efforts on things within my control.

Not really. Kind of an idealist. I am looking too far beyond my immediate control and not enough on focussing efforts on what I can personally control. Assessment: 4/10.

I take responsibilities for my moods rather than blaming others or circumstances.

No. That would require a level of maturity I have not yet attained. I famously blame other people for pissing me off. But once again, the lesson here is that to have the choice of how you respond to other people’s weaknesses. And assholery. This is an interesting concept. You own the ability to choose your response. Covey: “Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.” Just last week I lost my temper and raised my voice triggered by the weakness of someone else which manifsted itself in what I took as an insult. It wasn’t necessarily intended as an insult, but that’s how I took it. And I fired back. It was actually about an issue that I had previously and calmly warned this person about. FAIL. Hard not to blame this person for being a fuckhead. Assessment: 4/10.

I know what I want to accomplish in life.

I think so: girls, money, cars. Pretty simple.  A Speedmaster. A cappuccino at Café Florian. A Manhattan loft. Maybe make some beautiful things in the process. A little unclear about how to achieve all this though. Assessment: 7/10.

I organize and prepare in a way that reduces having to work in crisis mode.

I work in crisis mode as a function of the volume of my job. It’s so not consistent with how I prefer to work, which would be intense focus on one thing at a time. But given the volume thrown at me at work and lack of competent support staff, this is difficult to control. I see no solution. Assessment: Zero.

I begin each week with a clear plan of what I desire to accomplish.

Nope. I need to plan. Assessment: Zero.

I am disciplined in carrying out plans (avoid time-wasters, procrastination).

Nope. For one thing, I don’t really make plans. If I did, and when I do I am actually fairly disciplined in following through. Thing is that I just don’t really make plans. I do procrastinate, particularly with anything that involves mindless paperwork or filling out forms. I can waste a lot of time on the internet. At work, there’s this culture of people popping in to your office unannounced, which is a kind of complicit time-wasting as I am not actively training them to not pop in. I will have to control this. Assessment: 2/10.

I do not allow the truly important thing in my life to get lost in the busy activities.

I really despise busy, useless activities, and shirk them like crazy if I can. My problem is that I don’t necessarily leverage the time I am able to wrest away from wasteful busy activities into productive activities that are more in line with my broader objectives though. Assessment: 3/10.

The things I do everyday are meaningful and contribute to my overall goals in life.

Oh God, I wish. But no. Not at all. Assessment: zero.

I care about the success of others as well as my own.

Depends who they are. I’m picky. Assessment: 4/10.

I cooperate with others.

Actually I prefer to avoid others because others tend to bug me, especially if they are politicking little weasels and transparent at that. Or if they’re predictably shallow. Or stupid. Or insensitive. Or if they talk too much. I tend to be fairly quiet in groups of three and up, especially if there’s a lot of interrupting and pettiness in meetings. I am probably not perceived as a cooperator or a collaborator. But I am not opposed to collaboration, just very particular about with whom I would voluntarily collaborate. When I do work with others, I cooperate. It’s not like I’m the ass at the meeting. More like I’m the guy who’d rather not be there, but is polite when interacting. Assessment: 4/10.

I strive to find solutions that benefit all.

Yes, I do this. My job is to advise people for their success. But I work for the authority that determines that success. So it’s neither a matter of me exploiting others for my success or a matter of me helping others to my detriment. Well, actually the more folks I help, the more difficult and complicated and hurried my job is. So maybe I rank lower on this than I had assumed. That’s in the work realm. In other aspects of life, I’m a generous tipper… if that counts. Assessment: 6/10.

I am sensitive to the feelings of others.

Haven’t I answered this already? Yes, I am. I am probably actually too aware of what others are feeling. Not that I tend to act on this sensitivity, but I am sensitive to the feelings of others. I can feel it. Unless those feelings belong to an asshole. Assessment: 9/10.

I seek to understand the viewpoints of others.

This is so important. This concept is the basis of almost everything when dealing with other mammals. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. So fundamental. I am well aware of this and follow it. But actually I don’t really actively seek to understand the viewpoints of others. I like to get a flavour of where they’re at before I open my mouth, so that I’m not spouting off. But I don’t go out of my way to SEEK and PROBE their precise viewpoint. Actually, I assume that I already have a pretty good idea of what others are feeling. Assessment: 7/10.

When listening I try to see things from their perspective, not just my own.

Yeah, yeah. This is hard, because I prefer my perspective. But I do try. Assessment: 7/10.

I value and seek the insight of others.

Insight? Come on. How many people do you know that have valuable insight? Only a few specific people, I’d say. For those few, I value their insight. But do I seek it from them though? Not really. Assessment: 3/10.

I am creative in finding solutions and better ideas.

Yes. Assessment: 8/10.

I encourage others to express their opinion.

Yep. If I’m interested, which I’m usually not. But with people I respect, I’d rather listen to their thoughts, than talk myself. Assessment: 5/10.

I care for my physical health and well-being.

Well I care. But I don’t take action. I eat too much red meat and not enough salad. I hardly exercise at all and it’s been showing the last couple of years. Assessment: 2/10.

I strive to build and improve relationships with others.

No, I tend to keep to myself. But do have good relationships with those few that mean something to me. To me people tend to be needy and exhausting. Too transparent. Too noisy. Quite frankly my sensitivity to this is going to be a hurdle for me if I am going to progress with the 7 habits. Assessment: 2/10.

I take time to find meaning and enjoyment in my life.

I THINK a lot about meaning. I don’t do a lot of taking action. Enjoyment? Hmm. Assessment: 3/10.

Summary

Seems I have a lot of work to. I have to admit that this exercise has opened my eyes. So what have I learned? What areas do I have to focus on? I have a problem with commitments. I like to keep options open, so in line with this, I tend to not make plans either. But given that I do follow through with them when I make them, I should make them. But making plans and commitments are essential. I’ve got to get the hell out of Quadrant I (operating in crisis-mode with urgent and unimportant activities). Because to escape from a day of being buried in Quadrant I, I escape into my evenings by delving in to Quadrant III. It’s a vicious cycle that all contrives to keeps me out of Quadrant II. Should be exercising and eating better. Could be taking more risks.