[col-sect][column]This is about a conversation I had no choice but to overhear. It was Wednesday evening and I went for a quick and easy afterwork bite downtown at this Indian buffet place. Fine. Shortly after I had arrived and settled in, this couple of pretty girls in their early 20’s were seated at the table right next to mine. The place was relatively empty and yet, there they are… just 3 feet away… i.e. close enough for me to hear every word of their conversation. Whether I wanted to or not. It was pretty much unavoidable actually. And I should add that the two of them weren’t bothering to keep their voices down.

And so the performance begins

After they sorted out what to order (butter chicken and samosas, *yawn*), they immediately got down to business. And the business of course was exchanging complaints about their respective boyfriends. What else. SO here we have it, the gods have tossed some mild amusement my way; it would be an insult not to take it in. So I accepted the situation as a kind of girl-talk theatre while I assumed my own role as oblivious and/or disinterested involuntary audience guy pre-occupied with his phone. [Appearing to mind my own business is one of my natural talents. Because most of the time I actually am.] I can’t recreate their conversation. Believe me, I would love to. For the sake of authenticity. But can’t: my memory recall system doesn’t work in the sequential “then she said, ‘bla bla bla’; then the other one said, ‘bla bla bla.’” kind of way. And if I attempted to improvise for your benefit, it would only come off as totally contrived. I can remember a few phrases though. I’ll get to them in a sec. The point was thus: blonde was complaining that live-in boyfriend, let’s call him Dopey, never really wanted to go out and party. It seems that over time, he’s kind of fallen into this boring routine and he’s not exactly putting much effort into ensuring her social goals are maintained. (But why would he?) And she complained that he is always focussed on whatever he was doing, like a school paper, and does not react well to being interrupted, i.e. he had priorities other than her and her need to go out. Actual quote: “You know, guys are stupid; they can only do one thing at a time.” Asian friend jumped right in with complete agreement and had exactly the same beef with her live-in boyfriend, let’s call him Sneezy: now that they live together, it seems Sneezy doesn’t really need to go out or put much work into the relationship either. Both fellas have lost interest in going out to have fun. “Not even for one drink”. Actual quote: “Oh my god! I know!” and another as we’ve already heard: “Guys are all the same.” Then blonde remarked that given the predictability and stasis of her live-in relationship with Dopey that ha-ha, it’s like her and Dopey “were married”. And what do you know, Asian friend completely agrees because her and Sneezy also seem to be in a married couple kind of rut. Isn’t that hilarious. Much laughter ensued. But no dots were connected. No attempt at a connection made between lazy boyfriends and cohabitation. To the girls, these two phenomena are perfectly independent variables.

Before I get to the moral of the story, I want to point out my favourite part of the conversation, and that part is the un-dénouement. It goes like this: after taking turns tag-team trash-talking the fellas they have decided to pair-up and share a home with, the girls finish their chat not with any kind of greater clarity of the scenario or any kind of [/column][column]working theory that explains how their guys got boring around the time they moved in, or let alone any kind of resolve or solution, instead they finish this topic not only accepting their fate, as if they were helpless, but in actually EXCUSING the very guys they’ve just been crucifying. Unbelievable. Can’t remember the phrase they used, but the net effect was something like this: “Dopey and Sneezy are dumbasses and everything is their fault because they’re so stupid, BUT! that’s all okay, it’s all all right, because even though they’re dumbasses, they’re OUR dumbasses.”

Weird. Anyhow, we can surmise that the reason for the conversation has nothing to do with actually improving their situation. The satisfaction of the conversation lies not in solving the issue, but only in the mere descriptive airing of their respective predicaments. Apparently there’s no greater aim here. Just share and discuss. The exploration only goes as far as mutual shared experience: that’s it.

I can’t tell you, as the sole audience member, how disappointingly unclimatic and lame this finale is. So much potential for liberation just left on the table. You just gotta shake your head at the girls’ i) inability to understand the dynamic and the very basic concept that is causing their predicaments, ii) inability to grasp the reality that they can actually do something to influence and change their circumstances and iii) acceptance to just put up with and deal with a substandard relationship. It’s like, “Oh well, this is the hand fate has dealt us. Everything happens for a reason. And I love him anyway, la-la-la.” This complete lack of rigorous thinking baffles me: the problem is plainly laid out, fully described and articulated, and deductions & inferences merely inches away, but yet in the end everyone’s cool with the status-quo. Girls, come on. You’re almost there, just take it a step further and the secrets of the world will unravel before our eyes. Nope. No thank you. We’re done. Our guys are jackasses, lol, but we love them, la-la-la. The end.

The moral of the story

The promise of relationship advancement through living together is the biggest hoax that women have ever perpetrated on themselves. Not that tough to figure out. How motivated is a guy to do anything outside of his total immediate convenience, when he’s already had his way with you last night. And could have or did the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that. Male chase energy is applied to pursue what they don’t already have, not in what is already in their constant presence. You think he’s miraculously going to step up and propose? In order to achieve what?

Everybody knows at some level that over-familiarity evaporates passion. I suspect that women choose to ignore the very basic causal relationship between their constantly being in their guy’s face and his increasing disinterest. Why. Because they want it both ways: they want the physical proximity AND a motivated boyfriend. And they wouldn’t see why they should have to give one up in order to get the other. Because of course they deserve both. And so we have the real explanation: “Guys are all the same. They’re so stupid.”[/column][/col-sect]

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