[col-sect][column]It’s 4:47 am. I’ve unintentionally conditioned myself to fall asleep on the living room floor just before, during or just after Seinfeld each night. Seinfeld at 10 is the tipping point for my evening: you aim to complete the day’s stuff done before the Seinfeld deadline. And then at the 10 o’clock fulcrum, you begin to wind down into the night. In theory. So what actually happens. At 9:55 I stretch out on the floor in front of the fire with a pillow to settle in for an hour of good TV, and then the voice tells you, “Ah Patrick, just close your eyes for a minute or two before the show starts. You’ll wake up in time. You won’t miss a thing, really.” Next thing you know you wake up  next to a pizza box at 1:55 with a headache and a sore back to the noise of some brutal barrage of the inane South Park voices (I hate that show and anybody who likes it – you’d have to have half your brain missing to find that show even tolerable, let alone entertaining). Or it’s some other  equally low-grade family-based “comedy” like Girlfriends or the Bernie Mac Show. Brutal. [/column][column]And the reason I wake up is because those shows are just too stupid to even sleep to. So deep in sleep, my subconscious decides that it’s not going to suffer any more idiocy and says to me, “Dude, I can’t take this insulting horseshit any longer. Sorry old buddy, but you’re going to have to wake up and turn that moronic trash off.”

So then you’re dragging your ass through the freezing house to bed at 2 or 3 in jeans and a wrinkled dress shirt only to be awoken by the alarm at 6:30. Either that or like tonight I just stay up and catch up on my online reading. This pattern has been going on for about a year or maybe even two. Seems that I even blogged about it back in January. Except I was funnier last time. (Nice: repeating my stories, but with decreasing entertainment value).

Bachelorhood cuts both ways: on one hand I have the freedom to make late night blueberry pancakes and sleep on the floor in my clothes without the expectation or pressure to “come to bed” at a reasonable time. On the other, I exploit that freedom every night. To my own detriment. I still have that headache actually.[/column][/col-sect]

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