In the following four scene segments of the 2005 movie “Hitch”, contrast the verbal presentation of the hero, Hitch, with the villain, Vance, two players of the same game (chasing women), but with a different nuance. In his self-descriptions, Hitch has a talent for softening the edges of his game; Vance is more blunt and honest about what he’s after. (Background: Hitch is a consultant who advises men on how to get with women; but apparently in a respectful way.)

You get the idea: Hitch, good; Vance, bad. And how do we arrive at this conclusion? Just words. Hitch uses words that make his player ways sound just fine; he has a “hot, sweaty, totally varied, wildly experimental short game” and he’s “not someone who likes to get involved past a certain point”. Conversely, Vance lacks the sense to use language that disguises his natural male ways; he says he wants to “bang” women. But Hitch cleverly goes beyond smooth self-description; he also aims outward and labels Vance with the term “pig” and “jerk” and uses the phrase “hit it and quit it” to characterise Vance’s schtick. Once again like “bang,” employing a violent term, “hit,” and referring to a woman as “it”.

These two guys both sleep with women and move on, but total victory goes to Hitch for concealing his own game and simultaneously slandering Vance for playing the same game, but with far weaker game. Since our society values successful politics over hard reality, any guy insensitive enough to use the term “bang her” even in private, male-only company, must be deemed bad. It’s too harsh a term. The perception is not based on fact or reality (we know that both these guys are sharks); it’s based on how the facts are sold, specifically the words used.  The movie exploits the inability to distinguish reality from fantasy and the confusion between the two created by the the language employed to portray them. Kind of cute that a movie about game relies so heavily on the old truism that women love with their ears (which is a nicer way of referring to the female hyper-sensitivity to language and word selection) to have hero and villain cut from the same cloth. Just one has more seductive means. How very Hitch. Which is why it works. It’s a chick flick through and through. Observe:

First up, we have Hitch and his buddy, Ben, playing pool at a bar. A key scene establishing the Hitch character’s dating M.O. by his own words, which to my reading is a very polite way of saying that he pumps and dumps.

Ben: You know what your problem is, Hitch? You’re all about the short game. You pick your shots based on what you see first… not what’s necessarily best for you in the long run.
Hitch: Well, all of us are not married to the woman of our dreams and about to have a baby. You know, I’m very happy for you. Just not meant for everybody. So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty, totally varied, wildly experimental short game.
Ben: I was talking about pool, but you know, whatever.

Next is Hitch’s first meting with a prospective new client and the movie’s villain, Vance, at a crowded restaurant. Vance provides a little background on the gal problem that he wants Hitch to help him with. This scene is the key scene which establishes Vance’s core character and also establishes the supposed contrast between the two guys and their respective ways with the ladies. 

To achieve the contrast, the scene employs a device commonly used in Sex and the City. There’s probably already an industry name in the writers’ world for this little trick. It works like this:  a seemingly decent guy’s faults are revealed in an abrupt and harsh way, in sharp contrast to how he has behaved in the show up to that point. Like a rude awakening from a slow seduction. He’s he saying all the right words, he’s gently lulling the viewer into a dreamy submission, and then from out of nowhere BAM! He says something offensive. My theory as to why this technique has been so effective in girl movies and hence oft recycled is because it closely emulates the female experience of selective blindness to a new beau’s faults, and drifting along, fingers crossed and then BAM, something happens that is just so incongruent with the romance of the dance to that point, that it can’t be ignored. I am so thankful that I’m a guy becasue having to live on the tail end of logic like that would drive me nuts. Mr Perfect comes crashing down from the heavens through a trap door in his cloud of perfectness, passes your window as you’re gazing out dreamy-eyed with your lemon honey tea and lands awkwardly into a heap of trash in the alley below.

Also observe how embarrassingly unrealistic the scenario is. What reason would a fit, good-looking, well-dressed Wall Street player, who could probably take his pick any night of the week, seek professional dating advice with the mere objective of one night with a certain rather plain-looking, insecure thirty something woman? Well he wouldn’t, but the suspension of logic, as stupid as it is, enhances the dramatic effect of the rude awakening device. As does the romantic way he describes his feelings for Miss Plain… up until the point that he lays the line that goes too far. 

Hitch: So, tell me about her.
Vance: Have you ever met someone and you knew right away she was gonna be important to you? Not just because of her looks, but kind of that x-factor.
Hitch: How’d you meet her?
Vance: Actually, I was in a shop buying pajamas for my mom.
Hitch: And by that, of course, you mean you were buying lingerie for another woman.
Vance: Yes. You can’t help where you meet somebody. And the lingerie is for a woman I’m no longer seeing. But anyway, the girl I met, the one I was talking about. She’s so sweet, funny, Southern. She gives me her number. Now she won’t return my phone calls. I don’t know what it is about her. I just can’t get her out of my mind. You know, food has lost its taste. Colors, you know, they seem dull. Things that used to matter… I don’t know, they just no longer do. I think things aren’t gonna snap back unless I… Unless I bang her.
Hitch: Excuse me?
Vance: You know, bang her. Clear my head: get in, get off, get out.
Hitch: Uh, I think you may have misunderstood what I do exactly.
Vance: No, I was told you help guys get in there.
Hitch: Right. But, see, here’s the thing: my clients actually like women. Hit it and quit it is not my thing.

In this scene, Hitch crashes a speed-dating event to rationalise the virtues of his profession to his disapproving love interest, Sara, who is under the wrong impression that he advised Vance on how to score with Sara’s pathetic friend, coincidentally, Miss Plain. Apparently pathetic friend is not responsible for her own behaviour and can’t be held accountable for whom she sleeps with, so I guess we’re supposed to believe that she was tricked into going to bed with a handsome Wall Street shark who then never needed to see her again. Right. Because guys have never been known to act like this, so it must have been Hitch’s help that made it happen. Pathetic friend and Sara team up to cause a scene confronting Hitch about coaching Vance. As Hitch gets booted out for crashing, he makes a brief parting speech to all the speed-daters (guru to students). This scene intends to reinforce the contrast of Vance (referred to as “a pig” and “a jerk”) against falsely accused victim, Hitch. 

Sara: You’re a scam artist! You trick women into getting…
Hitch: Into getting out of their own way so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance. … No, I want everybody to take a good look at this right now. Because this, this right here. This is exactly why falling in love is so goddamn hard. … And Vance Munson is a pig! And I refused to work with him. You need to get your facts right. It’s because of jerks like him that I even have a job. Had a job.

Since Hitch has redeemed himself in convincing fashion, Sara tries to suck up and apologise for being a bitch at the speed-dating event. She intercepts Hitch outside his place as he returns from a jog. Hitch acts all cool and unaffected by the whole episode and restates once again in socially acceptable terms, that he’s a player:

Hitch: I’m not someone who likes to get involved past a certain point. And that point was about a week ago.

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