The new sneakers I bought today are really ugly. But they’re very comfortable. I’m wearing them right now actually… at home by the fire. But I guess my complaint, as comfortable as they are, is that the design is just far too cohesive. And sure they’re not nearly as quiet and understated as some sneakers out there, but to my eye and for my foot, this pair simply isn’t trying hard enough. It does not have not enough different and unrelated design moves, motifs, materials and finishes incorporated into its overall aesthetic. I mean only 12 or 15 different materials and patterns? Is that enough for an entire shoe? It’s gotta cover the whole shoe and we’re talking about almost a full square foot of surface area to cover. That’s a canvas with so much potential for disparity and general design mayhem, it’s truly exciting… but this “design” is just letting me down. I want more small bits of more materials, more garish colours, more reflective surfaces, more swooshes going in different directions, more text in more fonts, just more. It’s a shoe, for crying out loud, there must be no doubt about its presence. It must announce itself and make a statement… such as, “Everybody! Check me out. Notice me! See how complicated I am!” That’s what I want.

What needs to happen is that Nike design needs to step up its design game. Here’s what I suggest: get a bunch of industrial design kids together in a room each competing for their jobs, supply them with a few cases of Red Bull, an espresso machine and 60 boxes of Twinkies and challenge them to combine, clash and mash up all their ideas until they’ve developed a shoe design completely devoid of logic or rigour. Then you’d have something. No more of this half-assed, half-random design stuff. I want full random ugly. I’m talking about TOTAL INCONGRUITY.

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