I can’t tell you how much stuff like this bugs me. I’m on the bus, this guy comes and sits down and like some kind of cheesy 70’s macho lounge bachelor, he reclines sideways and stretches out the leg so that his foot is dangling in the aisle. Like it’s his own personal love seat. “Hey look at me and my big display. Pay close attention to the brown Rockports that my wife bought me at an outlet mall on the way back from Blaine. That’s right, bitches, no heel! Now observe as I snap my newspaper really loudly as I turn the pages. This whole attitude thing that I’m doing is all to make it clear, just in case there was any question about it, that the bus is in fact my domain and my overtly casual pose and demonstrative play with the paper is my way of marking it as such. The pose in particular tells you that I am so comfortable opening my loins to the general public, that I must be the alpha male of this bus. See?”

Well, alpha foot boy, thank you so much for clarifying your status and also for exposing your ankle to me and in the process psychologically blocking my egress. It’s not infuriating at all. In fact, it’s really something. We’re all very impressed with your cavalier bravado. Now if you don’t mind, kindly sit properly before I accidentally kick you really hard directly in the groin as I’m walking past.

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